now

now that chemo's over
I can go back
to being me

now that the
radiation burns have
healed

now that the surgery
was successful

now that
that
inconvenient
messy
emotional
cranky
frightening thing
is over
I can go back
to being

me me me me me

but I already
am

stop

everything didn't
stop
at cancer

the world kept
revolving

my mother was still
eighty-eight
and slowing

my granddaughter
still pregnant

my son
still fighting for
custody

nothing changed
with cancer

my sisters still fought
with each other
with me

money was still tightening
an ever taunting
noose

the car still stopped
and is stopped
still

nothing changed
the world didn't hold
its breath

giving me time to scream
to cry to rage
to grieve

nothing changed
except
everything

Linguistics

I know the language
of
love
and
hate

at my father's knee
I learned
distrust
fear
anger and
humor

from my mother
I learned
mistrust
disillusionment
laughter

words
replete with
looks
the tilt of the head
the roll of the eyes
eyebrows raise
mouth turns down

fluent in emotion
my arsonal primed
I search for the final knowing
life

Multilingualistic

I speak
English fluently
the language of
the country of
my birth

I learned more
daughter
sister
cousin
niece

I married and studied
wife
mother
aunt

I aged and acquired
meme
grandma
great aunt

but I never expected
to have to learn
Cancer

The Big C

drama is drama
whether
love
sex
violence
sad
mad
glad

drama sells
tv
the big screen
the little screen
books
audio
it sells

and so it appears
does
cancer