Playing Catch up

I've had this blog since 2005 and it's been my favorite place to set my thoughts in prose and poetry.  It's been an ideal way (for me) to solidify what's going on in my life and identify it; but not niche it.  I don't like niches.  Dust ridden dead spots that hold ideas that have outlived their usefulness.  Not always accurate either, they seem anachronistic, unusable and ignoble too, somehow.

At any rate, it's 2019 and it's not even January or close to the first part of the year.  July, it says and utter silence since the previous January.  I've decided that if I'm going to write again I will return to the space that first enticed the words in my heart to jump onto the page and cavort, to dance and sing, to moan and writhe, to live.  So here I am and here they are.  They've been patient you know.  They've waited past family drama, cruises to far away lands, explorations of exotic places, then, more recently through tumultuous changes and challenges in home and heart and culminating in a tap on the shoulder reminded me of my own humanity.

It wasn't all fun and games but still it was exciting and new and frightening and somehow invigorating, and still, here I am.  I did finish my first book, yet published, and have pulled my screenplay out of dry dock, hoisted it onto a deck to check for barnacles and will soon turn it over to my editor who, with loving, devout and deviously sympathetic hands render it suitable to send out into the world of paper prose.

And yet, here I am, not searching for nouns, verb, adverbs and the like to pepper my play but instead decided to begin my continuing saga as a writer by giving my muse-driven fingers free reign.

It's good to be back.

Let's go Down to the sea

As the sand

Meets the waiting sky

As the waves tease the toes

Of the stately ice floes

As they lumber slowly by 

Let’s go up to the hills

That kiss the clouds

As they fly

Or the verdant green

From stream to stream

As the dusk 

sails where they sigh

Let’s go home to our home

Where the sea and glade

Retire

In our glen we will lie

In the sweet bye and Where the sky meets the sea

I will wait for thee

Where islands in the sky wait for time

2018 .. A new year

Thinking about the gains
and losses
from a year so recently gone
always seems to lead me back
to where I first belonged

The good .. the bad
Indifferent
feels stronger than before
I’m wanting less
but finding more
as I work ceiling to floor

I cannot please the everyone
 someone or
anyone at all
so I will try to please myself
ducking from chips that fall

My New Years resolution list
is very short this year
be kind
be loving
don’t fix what’s not mine
don’t make others happy
for me

My sweet enraged friend posts holiday tips on how to bury guns .... she is angry and frustrated .. unable to comprehend or stop this violence ... she’s looking for someway to assuage the pain ... we all are ... she rants against an ineffectual God ... invisible gun control .. insincere government officials .. incomprehensible violence .. and an exploitative media .. vultures waiting for the next feeding frenzy ... her screams of painful rage echo from sea to shining sea ...

I haven't blogged much this year ... it's been an odd year since my mom died. I've been out of sorts trying to find a new 'normal'.  There was drama over our grandson who moved back in with us after a year away ... and it was a year of 'aways.'   We went to Berkeley for a week to see family ... I went to the Bahamas with my daughter .. I went back East for my high school reunion .. to visit my elderly aunt .. and stayed in Upstate NY and then finally returned from 12 days in Germany and the Czech Republic last Wednesday culminating in finding my home town on national news from the 10-1 massacre ... Las Vegas.

Like I said ... an odd year.  We lost one Chihuahua and rescued another ... we gave our home a facelift .. bid farewell to friends who would never see the end of 2017 and welcomed a great grandson. Was adopted by a feral kitten and picked the sweetest watermelon I have ever eaten.  I watched my husband begin to relinquish his hold on immortality as I began to questioned my own. I let go of my need to be busy and found two new careers .. one in camera work and the other in accounting.

But the worst bit of this odd year happened last Sunday night. Relaxing in bed we got a call from our Katrina -- our Katlyn was in lock-down in the basement of the Luxor ... calling everyone including her 3-month-old son .. to say goodbye in case she didn't survive ... there was a shooter ... people by the hundreds.. bloodied and panicking .. had rushed past her reception desk  in a frantic search of a safe place to hide from the carnage across the street .. the final night of a music festival.

By 5:30 she was on her way home ... and we breathed a sigh of relief that lasted only as long as the next moment as we learned the names and faces of those who not be going home again ... a heart wrenching anthem of mothers - fathers - sisters - brothers - friends - lovers.  I read of the heroes and heroines ... and I saw a town touted as Sin City show its true colors of honor ... compassion .. and love .. as if by an unspoken accord we began to stand in the gap ... for strangers and family alike.

The horror of that day will fade for those who did not feel that bone chilling fear of loss.  For those who must face grief-stricken days ahead ... you are not alone. We grieve as well .. feel your loss and share your pain.  We could not protect your loved ones  .. or our own ... and thus share a bond forged by grief but strengthened by love.  As you travel a road none would willingly choose .. know that a part of us goes with you ... always.